Pride 2024 - Cover Story: Identity Report

Photo by M. T. West

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In today's world, identity plays a crucial role in shaping individuals' lives and interactions. It influences how we perceive ourselves and how others perceive us. As young people, shaping our identities was strongly encouraged, a rite of passage, and how we built ourselves in the world. Now, others imprisoned in traditional thinking can make knowing who you are into a battle. 

To delve deeper into identity and belonging, we had the opportunity to interview three individuals with unique perspectives on identity: Lance McDaniel, Rainbownita Taylor, and David Trujillo. Through their insights and experiences, we hope to shed light on the significance of identity in the modern age and how we can change the narrative to get others to understand its importance. 

McDaniel, Taylor, and Trujillo share their life lessons and musings around community, belonging, and identity. Identity is more than just what we call ourselves because identity spans beyond a mere label (though a label may be a way to describe part of our identity). It is something sacred. It makes us so incredibly and uniquely who we are as individuals. While at the same time bringing us closer together. Many of us have multiple facets of our identity, and the words from McDaniel, Taylor, and Trujillo reinforce how important it is that we feel safe and comfortable bringing the entirety of our complex selves to our communities. Identity should not separate or isolate you—it is something to celebrate, not just accept. 

One of the questions we asked our interviewees was what their biggest challenge was living in the community. Their responses overwhelmingly showed a concern for the tension that exists in the community; bisexual people often confront discrimination in the LGBTQ+ community, and asexual individuals face doubt and dismissal about the validity of their identity. Trans-exclusionary feminists oppose transgender women's recognition as women, opposing their use of facilities for women and involvement in sports, and transgender adults have reported in a Data for Progress poll lower levels of belonging, with 59% feeling disconnected from U.S. society.

According to a survey by the Center for Inclusion and Belonging at the American Immigration Council, many Americans indicate feelings of non-belonging. "The Belonging Barometer: The State of Belonging in America" revealed that approximately 68% of respondents expressed a sense of not belonging in the country, with 74% feeling this in their local communities.

In an episode of the Man Enough Podcast, internationally acclaimed poet, comedian, public speaker, and actor Alok Vaid-Manon shared that this exclusion isn't limited to transgender individuals, as Lance McDaniel discusses in his interview. "People talk about trans issues as if it's unprecedented. The same tactics that they're doing against trans people, they did against Black people, Indigenous people, and people of color in this country in the early 20th century," Vaid-Menon said.

Our interviewees reiterated some form of the sentiment, "We cannot have community without unity." Community is, and has always been, one of the cornerstones of identity. In a 2023 study conducted by the National Institutes of Health, those who reported a positive sense of community, as compared to those with a negative sense of community, had significantly lower odds of experiencing symptoms of depression, anxiety, and stress. Author, civil rights leader, and champion for African-American equality Coretta Scott King once said, "The greatness of a community is most accurately measured by the compassionate actions of its members."

If identity is the seed that makes us sprout into who we are, then community should be the garden in which it flourishes. When that garden is well taken care of by displaying curiosity for others, having respect for all, and always having an open mind and heart for those around us, the community is a force to be reckoned with. 

Community quite literally has the power to save lives and create ripples of change. The Hundredth Monkey Theory, inspired by observations of monkey behavior in Japan, suggests that when a crucial number of individuals alter their attitudes or actions, cultural change will follow. Initially considered improbable, these changes are adopted by a few individuals, then by many, become widespread norms, shaping our collective human behavior. 

As you read the wise words and reflections from Lance McDaniel, Rainbownita Taylor, and David Trujillo, keep this theory in mind, and let yourself wonder: how can I be the hundredth monkey in my community? Or, how can I be a compassionate pebble that creates waves of change for the better? What is your identity, and better yet, how can you be a kind, curious, and open-minded member of your circles?

Photo by M. T. West

Rainbownita Taylor
Rainbownita Taylor (she/her) is an Indigenous transgender woman who believes we can’t have a community without unity. For Taylor, fostering acceptance involves asking respectful questions. Taylor shared, “For example, ask someone their pronouns when you first meet them. If you make a mistake, apologize and show that you care by correcting it in the future.”

“We need, as a community, to stop bringing each other down,” Taylor states. “People make mistakes - it’s how they grow from those mistakes. It makes them human, and how they show you they’ve grown. If you don’t like someone, don’t like someone. But at the end of the day, if someone’s getting bullied, especially in the trans community or any community - Indigenous, white - if anyone is getting bullied for anything, it should stop immediately.

“It comes from working as a community. It’s about asking questions and how you ask the questions. It’s the tone you use. If you don’t know, you have to ask, and if someone says I don’t want to answer that question, you can’t force them to answer.” Taylor describes the many times she has been asked inappropriate questions after people learn she is trans. “Would you ask anyone else what is in their pants or dress? It’s about respect: if you wouldn’t ask anyone else, don’t ask me.”

Taylor also talks about wondering if she is passable in public. “I can go to a grocery store, and they can tell me they don’t want to serve me or help me because I am trans. Yes, I can wear as much makeup as I want, but sometimes it feels like I am hiding behind makeup to make myself passable in this community - in this world - and that scares me,” Taylor says. “It hurts because, even in my community, people tell me, “Well, you’re a guy,” or they make trans jokes, and it gets to me. I always have to remember I love myself, and I love what I do."

Photo by M. T. West

David Trujillo
David Trujillo (he/him), a proud Hispanic bisexual, shared the LGBTQ+ community needs to address the inner scrutiny for the community to be healthy. “Some people want to create factions when we are already separated enough,” Trujillo said. “People in other communities, like some religious communities, try their hardest to change people. Our biggest issue is also tackling social hurdles. Once we identify as a community, we can tackle them together. Our unity is our power.”

Trujillo agrees that acceptance comes from curiosity, not only through respectful questions and answers but also by respecting people as people. "First, we are people. I'm not less of a human because I am bisexual or Hispanic—no one is less than in the community we are a part of. We are people," he said. "I'm telling people who I am; I'm not asking, "Do you want to think of me as bisexual?" It's not up to them - you're telling them who you are. It's like when someone tells you their first name; it should be no different. You must be comfortable in your skin and who you are to exude confidence."

Not only do we need to be confident in what makes us ourselves, but we also need to see the LGBTQ+ community represented in leadership roles, community organizations, governments, and committees. "It means a lot to us to see someone that is a part of our community, that looks like us and is one of us," Trujillo said. "We also need LGBTQ+ icons for the LGBTQ+ community—we don’t need more straight icons. We need gay people in gay roles. We need trans people in trans roles."

To be a united community, we have to become comfortable within it. Trujillo says that once we are, "we can go to the outside, and that's the first step in terms of mobilizing and getting our boots, or large heels, off the ground, and showing people who we are, whether you like it or not, and make room, because I'm tired of sitting."

Photo by M. T. West

Lance McDaniel
Lance McDaniel (he/him) is a father, husband, Black, Indigenous, pansexual, transgender male. “There is a lot of outside pressure on the trans community to look and act a certain way,” McDaniel shares. “‘Passing’ goes back to African American people trying to appear as white as possible. It’s something that runs deep, and when you add the intersectionality of being a person of color and being trans, you experience trying to pass in both lanes.”

As McDaniel says, we are all just trying to live life day by day, so it is unsettling and uncalled-for how much judgment and vitriol the LGBTQ+ community experiences. “We should be able to leave our homes without worrying about whether we're going to make it back home because of our identity. I don’t have to pass to be a man; I am just a man, and that is the way it is. I don't want to hide the fact that I'm trans. I definitely pick and choose who and when I come out to, because some places feel less safe than others to do that.”

To McDaniel, acceptance comes from curiosity, particularly when people ask genuine and authentic questions about who he is and remember the answers. “For example,” McDaniel shares, “If I give someone my pronouns, or I tell someone that I’m trans, and they then take that information and bring it up later, that is really cool to me, because it means they were listening to what I was talking about and thought about it afterward. Acceptance comes from curiosity and actually wanting to know more about someone.

“We all have our own identity, just not everybody goes through the trouble of introducing themselves with those identities,” McDaniel states. “One day, we're going to get to a point where those pieces of our identities are just as trivial as being a Cowboys fan or having your favorite color be blue: it's just a part of who we are, just like other parts of our identities. It'll be trivial. It'll just be another piece of the puzzle of who we are.”

McDaniel believes that the way to get to that point is for everyone to acknowledge their own identities. “Just start with yourself,” he advises. “What makes you, you? And then, when someone is telling you the pieces of them that make them them, believe them.” We don’t owe anyone else the sharing of our identities, but when appropriate and safe, an open and curious dialogue helps us get to know each other more deeply. “Start a conversation, let's go back and forth,” McDaniel says. “It doesn't have to be hostile. That's where I think a lot of the change can come from.” - Samantha Nagel & Teresa Robinson